Why are people so weird?
Like for realz.
Sometimes I just want to set y’alls weird asses free.
And to be honest, I’m an introvert so I totally get awkwardness. Awkwardness is when you don’t know how to get your shit together in time to be normal around other people. Someone catches you off guard and you’re like, “holy shit…let me hurry up and act like I’m a fucking human being.” I get it. Trust me, I do.
But it seems like some people don’t know how to function to the point where you want to just throw them off a fucking cliff. And I find that I experience this wayyyy more than I should. (I’ll get into that later, I promise.)
Like I’ll pass someone in the hallway at work and they’ll go through five different facial expressions before finally regurgitating a “hello” from the pits of their bowels.
I promise you… if you’re guilty of this, it’s because you’re thinking too hard.
Confidence is the key. And I say this because – like I said – I’ve been there before. I used to have to practice interacting with people in the mirror. I thought I was the weirdest person in the world. And I probably was. But the thing is, you have to get past what you THINK you look like/what you THINK other people are thinking and just deal with the reality of what’s actually happening.
For example: I wish these awkward ass people could know how tired I am. I wish they could know that when I go into the office kitchen to grab a snack, I’m singing a Prince song that’s been on rotation in my head all day and I’m probably also thinking about my best friend forever… food.
In other words, the odds of me thinking about you are slim to none. But I still have to be hit with this fucking face…
…as soon as I open my mouth to say “excuse me you’re blocking the water cooler.”
And then there are the people who do the I’m smiling so I don’t get fined face. You know, one of these…
And I be wanting to tell these people not to even fucking bother. My boss is good at this one. She will hit you with that creepy ass, manic smile fifty feet before she approaches you to talk. So that means I have to look at her shitty-ass, pseudo grin for at least ten “Mississippi” seconds before I’m hit with a “good morning.”
How is that fair to me? I’m not the one that doesn’t know how to register a normal resting face while in the presence of other humans. So why should I be coerced into what someone else perceives to be an awkward situation. It’s not like we’re going to serenade each other. We’re not going in for a kiss. I don’t feel weird. Why are you trying to make this weird?!
The people who are desperate to make every situation awkward are the more harmless breed, though. You’ll come up to them and they’ll give you a conspiratorial ‘aren’t we both feeling awkward‘ face. These types, you just ignore and then eventually they’ll realize that you ain’t thinking bout them and they’ll practically fade into thin air.
The worst kind, however, are the ‘it’s not me, it’s YOU‘ weirdos. They’re the type to look at YOU like YOU’RE straight up bonkers, thereby sucking you into their vortex of weirdness. I used to fall victim to these people all the time.
You’ll hit’em with . . .
And here they go . . .
An interaction with this type will send you running to the bathroom to check your nose for boogers or to make sure you’re zipper isn’t down. And these types are persistent. It took me years to figure out that I wasn’t the crazy person in these interactions. And as a recovering weirdo, I still have moments where I question my sanity.
But usually, I realize that unless I’ve done something extreme – walking around naked, murdering someone, etc. – I’m probably fine and the person who’s looking at me like I’m crazy for acknowledging them is living within their own personal hell.
So why do I seem to run into these people a lot? My theory is it’s because I’m Black and a woman. People tend to expect us to be loud, crazy and funny. And that’s not my steelo. I can be funny and loud at times, but not in a professional setting. I’m just not that chick.
And I can feel the disappointment when White coworkers interact with me. I’m very friendly so they think I’m going to be their ‘homegirl.’ And I’m not. (That’s actually this Black chick named Rhonda that works down the hall.) And because I’m confident but not walking around grinning like a got-damn fool, it makes other people dive deep into their feelings and they always come back up for air with the idea that I’m judging them. And I’m not. I’m thinking about food.
So get it together weirdos. It’s okay to say, “hi” and “bye” without turning the situation into a skit from Saturday Night Live.
That’s all I got!
Have a good weekend!
(…and don’t be scared to comment below!)